When someone receives difficult medical news, the words we choose can either build a bridge of understanding or create an emotional wall. As a palliative care physician, I’ve witnessed countless conversations where well-intentioned support can inadvertently cause more pain.
Whether you are a concerned friend, family member, or healthcare professional, the struggle to find the “right” words in the face of tragedy is real. Next time you’re searching for something to say, consider this:
The Pitfalls of False Reassurance
Many of us reach for phrases we believe will comfort someone: “It’s going to be okay,” “Everything happens for a reason,” or “At least you’ve had a lot of good years.” These statements, though meant to help, often do the opposite. They:
- Minimize the person’s current experience
- Suggest their feelings are inappropriate
- Shut down genuine communication
What Genuine Support Really Looks Like
True emotional support isn’t about fixing the situation or providing silver linings. It’s about creating a space where someone feels heard, validated, and perhaps most importantly – not alone.
Key Principles of Compassionate Communication
- Validate Their Emotions Instead of: “Don’t worry, it’s going to be okay” Try: “This is very hard news, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
- Acknowledge The Situation For What It Is Instead of: “Everything happens for a reason” Try: “This really is so unfair.”
- Connect Through Listening Instead of: “I know exactly how you’re feeling” Try: “Would you like to talk about what’s going through your mind right now?”
The Power of Presence
Supportive communication isn’t about having the perfect words. It’s about being present, listening without judgment, and creating a safe emotional space. Your role is not to fix their feelings but to acknowledge them.
What to Remember
- Sit with the discomfort
- Listen more than you speak
- Allow for silence
- Show you’re willing to walk alongside them
Practical Tips for Supporting Someone
- Use phrases like “This sounds incredibly difficult”
- Ask open-ended questions
- Offer specific help instead of general statements
- Follow their lead in conversation
- Check in regularly without expectations
The Bottom Line
Offering support that feels like support is all part of the art of connection. It’s about creating a bridge of non-judgmental understanding, not building a wall of well-intentioned but dismissive platitudes.
Remember: Your presence is far more powerful than your words.